Well I Made it To Wrestlemania

Before my chemo began my husband and I had contemplated if I'd be able to go. Recovery time from a SCT is like 3-6months depending on the person. I think that I recovered rather quickly. By 3 months everything looked perfect as it should be according to my scans a few weeks ago. Although my blood work over the past few months slowly progressed, I had been feeling better since right after my last post in February. I didn't feel I needed to post many updates considering I FELT pretty much back to normal. My doctor eventually gave me the okay for Wrestlemania & so last we had a great time. I'm so happy I didn't miss out!

I'm back to the gym since 3 weeks ago, although I haven't been too consistent >_< I do go every week though at least 1-2x. Its been COLD in NYC so I avoid my 1mile walk to the gym on those days. I know its not an excuse. On the bright side though, I have been walking A LOT. I go out almost every day to run little errands for myself/husband/friend/family you name it. I avoid public transportation to the best of my ability. Just last week I walked for HOURS on a very busy errand day and completed the most miles I've ever walked at one time. It was just shy of 9miles I believe.

My mission now is to build this body back up in strength and aesthetically. I'm not as strong & toned as I used to be. I demand bigger muscles & more endurance hehe.

I may not update for awhile & thats good because that means I'm better!
I want to leave saying thanx for all the support guys! It carried me through a rough time in my life & I really appreciated the love.

My February Update

I would say that I felt almost back to normal about a week or two after my last post. Right now I feel great, been feeling this way for sometime now. I practically feel 100% except when I move around too much and realize my endurance isn't what it used to be. I've been building it back slowly with walking and other light exercises here and there. I went through an emotional 2 week rollercoaster having been upset due to some family related issues I was having. I also think I was abnormally emotional, it reminded me of how I get sometimes being a woman and all. My doctor even asked me yesterday if I was experiencing any symptoms and she said sometimes the symptoms occur even if you haven't gotten your period. So I'm not crazy! Anyways I'm fine now but I did tell her I had been having a strange light-headed, almost dizzy, can't concentrate, almost headachy, dehydrated feeling in my brain. I told her I assumed it was dehydration, but its been ongoing for days and I guess I'm still not drinking enough. I might not be getting enough sleep either, but who knows!

Enough hair to hold a clip!

My blood counts went up a tad since 3 weeks ago. Everything is looking good so far but I'm still not in the perfect clear just yet. I believe I get a scan on my next one month visit >_< Also I've been taking this yellow paint like medicine called Atovaquone, its an antibiotic I have to take for 6 months to prevent a certain kind of pneumonia. Aside from the occasional boredom I am doing fairly well and am so happy to feel like the rest of the population. OH and my hair has grown back! Its still in the early fuzz stages, but its definitely there.

Home & Expectations

It was really hard to update in the hospital. Its BEEN hard to update. That willpower man. Even I couldn't bring myself to the computer many days. My Christmas was uneventful, I was feverish for days until I received steroids. I want to say 'I LOVE THOSE STEROIDS!', having been on prednisone in the past & this time some new steroid that made me feel better... BUT... it had its downfalls. This steroid, I forgot what it was called, made me very anxious, jittery to the point that I could not sleep unless I took Ativan before bed. The Ativan only lasted 3 hrs or so resulting in me tossing & turning in the middle of the night trying to go back to sleep on my own but failing & having to ask for more Ativan. It also made me feel like I was an emotional wreck. I was irritated easily, crying the next second, or freaking out. I only had to stay on it for 3 days. My New Years was also kind of uneventful in that I was overly exhausted and really only spent it with my husband and a little bottle of sparkling apple cider. I forced myself to stay up for the ball drop and then proceeded to sleep shortly after ignoring most calls and txt messages. I'm sorry about that, but through my worst days I ignored a lot of messages because I just wanted to sleep my miserable insides away.

I finally came home and I honestly didn't feel as great as I had hoped. That's what I get for having high hopes. Its just that, I'm still pretty weak. Although honestly I could be much worse, doctors say I was "ahead of the curve". I just don't like feeling so unlike myself. I nap a lot, I feel crappy a lot, and I just wait for this weakness to run its course. I can't do much about it but EAT and HYDRATE myself. I lack energy to walk much, let alone do much exercising right now. My counts are still on the low end, so until my body recuperates I'm going to be a sluggish mess. I'm not allowed to exercise hard but I can't exercise much anyway since there isn't any fuel in this tank right now. I plan to start a light exercise plan in the next week or so. I'm allowing myself to rest up for now...FOR NOW. I can't wait until I start feeling better and I can push my body again. Its going to be disgusting how I'll make my body change this year.

Now I know I said I would workout while I was in the hospital and YOU KNOW WHAT? I did my best. My first week in I exercised everyday practically, walking miles in the hallway and then some. During the middle of my stay (the peak worst) I slept the days away and honestly I can say I don't remember too much of it. The days felt long and torturous at the time, but now I just can't remember where the time went. Towards my last week I began to use my exercise bike more and walk around the room here and there. I wasn't allowed out of my room. I think I did great though. Try getting high dose chemo and doing anything at all! When I came home the first night I broke down and cried before bed because I was overwhelmed with so many emotions. I was free, in the bed I longed for, I still felt horrible, but I was still so grateful, and happy to lay next to my loving superhero husband. He never ONCE failed me, sure he aggravated me when he pushed me to do things on my own, to eat, to move, to drink, but he was my coach, he did everything right, with the right words, attitude, everything. Most of all I was overwhelmed in tears realizing I couldn't remember the worst of it. I think my brain put a protective block in my head because I try to recall the memories of me that second week and all I mostly remember are my visitors and the clock on my wall. I would stare at that thing waiting for the days to end for a new one to start and it felt like forever. 3 weeks later, here I am and why does it seem like it went by so fast now? I don't know. I'm glad the worst is over. I'm learning the tricks of what helps me feel better temporarily at least: food = energy, liquids = hydration, Ativan = when the nausea kicks in & food looks/smells too disgusting to eat. 

I will try to keep the positive attitude up though, just going through a minor rough patch expecting too much too soon. Like my stay in MSK, this too shall pass... quickly... Just need to be patient.

Was Too Sick To Post This Past Week

Here is a quick rundown of what I dealt with this past week.
A mix of strong nausea, extreme fatigue, shortness of breath, weakness, & just staying in bed.

Monday: Almost passed out after my shower. Nurses helped me. Head didn't feel right all day.
Tuesday: Head still throbbed. Threw up spit right before my stem cell transplant. SCT, uneventful- some cramps. Slept the day away mostly. Fever.
Wednesday: I got my first blood transfusion today. Santa came by with Carolers. Nausea continues...
Thursday: Husband donated platelets with my brother who donated blood. Throat starts acting up at night (mucosis begins). Pain in my esophagus. All I do is drink my food, can't eat anymore.
Friday: A really boring day, and of course felt terrible. Another fever. Got routine chest x-ray, everything ok.

I love my aunts <3

Saturday: Another boring day, still feeling terrible.
Sunday: A very good morning. My birthday, 2 aunts from Puerto Rico came for the day, my dad, my bro, his g/f, my other aunt, and my husband were here. I received my husbands platelets, throat starts to feel a bit better.
Monday: Received my brothers blood. Feverish all day since last night. Took a long nap, but feeling noticeably better in the evening. Another chest x-ray.

Guests Make Me Happy!

Completion of 3 miles!

My hubby's silly mask

Today I had a really great day, I woke up feeling more nauseous than the day before but I took a medicine that helped me pass the day. My husband walked with me for my daily laps, we did 2. He also drew a motivational reminder sign for my wall that says "Its NOT forever"... because thats how it will feel when I am at my worst. I had many guests today, my aunt & uncle came by with 2 other guests. Later my friend Kunga surprised me with her presence and hung out with me. My mom came late to sleep over. I walked my 3rd mile with her. I can feel myself getting weaker each day, but I'm pushing forward... doing what I can while I still can.

Day -3

Using the computer.

Today felt a little lonely in the morning because I sent my husband home last night, I wanted him to get a good nights sleep. I kept myself busy doing my usual routines of exercise and I drew some motivational words to put up on my walls. I also decided to use a streaming webcam so that anyone can see me through a browser instead of having people download programs like Oovoo or Skype if they don't want to. My husband and my friend came by in the evening and we hung out, it really made me happy :)

If you want to watch what its like to live in a room for 3-4 weeks check out my live NON XXX webcam here: http://tinychat.com/chiquitabanina

Exercise: 3mile walk, 20 squats

Day 2, -4 in SCT Terms

Working with my gloves
and mask.

My little sister originally
bombarded it with decorations,
it was driving me nuts so I had
to take it apart.

Today I felt a bit of the fatigue that comes with chemo, it came and went throughout the day. For some reason walking the halls kept my energy up, surprising right? I know sometimes when your tired its good to exercise to feel energized, you wouldn't think so. Not so sure how that goes with my chemo situation, but so far its working. I kept myself busy setting up my dusty little old Christmas tree (I had to wipe it clean first) and then put up other decorations around the room.

They grew back considerably fast!

I noticed also that my eyebrows were finally noticeably growing back, but they will be bye bye again soon. At least I don't have to draw them in for a little while. Considering that I had some fatigue and nausea from time to time I had a really good workout day:
I walked 3 miles in the hallway, I did 50 squats, 200 crunches, 60 wall pushups and 20 lunges for each leg. That's what Batman would do. No excuses! Oh and my admission weight was 118, my appetite has been a little off. I EAT, but my stomach to brain connection is not normal. So I don't get hungry, I just eat when I know its time to eat. Not enjoying my food as much lately, its not bad, its just not DELICIOUS like normal. Its been like that for a few weeks now. Hopefully it doesn't get too bad, I need to keep the weight on!

The BIG Chemo Admission for SCT Day -5

Ice Skating!

Its 12-12-12! I did not realize this would be my admission date until someone told me yesterday. I hear its a lucky date :D Yesterday I had a check-up explaining my upcoming chemo/transplant. It was an early appointment so I was able to stay in the city and walk to Bryant Park to go ICE SKATING with my husband! We had a lot of fun, and didn't fall. I almost did, but I DIDN'T! On the way there we passed by Rockefeller Center.

Rockefeller Christmas Tree

Today I was admitted around noon and settled into my room. I didn't sleep too well last night so I was very tired all day. I don't feel nervous but maybe I am subconsciously anxious. I organized the room a little and found the energy to do some exercise. The best part of the night was when I tested and used my rooms computer webcam. I spoke to a distant cousin who I hadn't chatted with, let alone SEEN in a long while and we must have talked for almost 3 hours. Day one, success.

Exercise: 200 crunches, 1 mile walk in the hallway, 50 squats, & some resistance band exercises for the upper body.

Stem Cell Collection Attempt #2

Yesterday I was a human pin cushion. In addition to my 2 daily Neupogen shots to the back of my arm I had to receive a new Lupron shot to the side of my butt cheek and a Mozabil shot to the arm to boost stem cell production in my bone marrow.

I had mild nausea from the Mozabil and had a hard time sleeping because I kept waking up. I felt restless all night. Luckily this morning when I came in to collect my stem cells they placed me on a bed this time instead of a couch! WIN. Unfortunately during the 3 hour process I only slept one hour because I was still restless playing on my tablet. It was an unusually warm day so my husband and I went out to eat a sandwich for lunch and relaxed in a nearby park before my next appointment. Around 1:30 I went in for an EKG and PFT (Pulmonary Function Test) where I met the best technician I've thus far worked with. He was really laid back and relaxed unlike others I've had. I hope I have him next time too. I also met a sweet & kind 86 year old woman who sat next to me in the waiting area to share her cancer story and spread her blessings. I'm not gonna lie, her words touched me so much she made me tear up.

I later went in to wait for another Mozabil shot for tomorrows stem cell collection. As we were waiting a nurse called me to let me know the good news. Today I collected over FIVE MILLION stem cells! I don't have to come back tomorrow because they have all the cells they need. I also didn't have to take the Mozabil shot or anymore neupagen shots! ^_^ The nurse told me... I will very likely be admitted for the STC next week... oh boy...

*I started a simple squat plan that I will continue throughout the holidays.

Doctors Appointment

My husband got me an
early birthday gift.
A juicer!!!

Today I had routine blood work done and met up with my new Stem Cell Team. I am now under the care of a different doctor and nurse. I met my new doctor months ago and I really like him because he has a super positive bubbly personality. I love bubbly people. We discussed the upcoming weeks plan of action. I start my second attempt of collecting stem cells on Monday. They each told me to have a long hard talk with my bone marrow this weekend hehe. In order to ensure results they are having me come in on Sunday to receive a shot that will boost my chances of producing stem cells. They told me I would also be receiving a Lupron shot different from my usual monthly injection. It will be a higher dose 3 month slow release kind that may give me more heat flashes.

Recharging

The 1st "beautiful" fail
behind my arm after a
Neupogen shot.

Well it turns out the "beautiful" fail my husband left me the other day wasn't his fault. The next morning I received another bruise. I suspected it was due to low blood platelet counts, not to mention my gums had been bleeding more than usual the past few days when I would brush my teeth. On Thursday I went in to collect more stem cells, and got a CT/PET scan. The nurses also had me get a platelet transfusion because my numbers were too low. Later in the day we found out that I still hadn't produced any stem cells. I was told not to come back on Friday. Though disappointing, I was much more relieved for it to be over. Its been a hard week on my body, so I needed this break to mentally and physically recharge. On Monday I will find out what is the next plan of action.

This was the 2nd one. Its
easy to bruise with low
platelet counts.

I haven't been updating the past few days because I needed to just rest. Friday & Saturday I was also distracted with visiting guests. My plan today you ask? To vegetate watching Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, & The Dark Knight Rises all over again ;) I will also try to do some heavier workouts today since I'm feeling like my old self again.

A 'BEST NEWS EVER' Kind of Day

I noticed I woke up upbeat. I was humming, singing, being silly. It seems when I can do that -things are looking up. I'm not going to lie. I cried a lot this week. I'm very impatient lately. My other chemos did not leave as long of a discomfort as this last one has. Everyday I woke up hoping to feel better & although I did a little each day, it wasn't sufficient enough for me. I'm still not feeling better, but for the moment I can be appreciative its not worse.

The things that annoyed my life this week:
This catheter on/in my chest (uncomfortable to lay), its more nauseating than anything, the dry mouth/throat/gums (having to eat soft things), constipation, my stomach not being 100%, my husband giving me a shot to the back of my arms everyday, & having this headache-y feeling.
-----------------------------------------------
NOW to the GREAT NEWS: While out and about this morning I received a call from my doctors office & they told me that the Bone Marrow biopsy from last week was CLEAR! No cancer! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I JUST WANT TO SING & DANCE, I FEEL SO GOOD! SO HAPPY! SO HOPEFUL! If this weeks chemo beat my ass down, well this news just boosted me back up ten fold! Its a GREAT day! ^_^

Wednesday

OMG how could you NOT love
the little ball of FuFu!

I've had a lot of guests visit me the past few days. Its been a nice distraction. Yesterday my brother came by, then a friend (thx for the treats again!), and later my brothers girlfriend. I am starting to feel a tad bit better. I guess what I mean is that my head isn't hurting AS much, as before but it still doesn't feel right. Its a slow progress. Today I had to get blood work done so I went out for a little bit this morning. When we came back home I planned to just lay in bed all day and rest. Thats exactly what I did. I don't like to lie in bed for hours but there's not much else I can do to feel better. Tiny exertion, tires me out. My handy dandy dog slept by my side for most of my nap, and I felt somewhat better later on. I'm still not used to this damn catheter on my chest/neck >:(, its physically not bothersome, but I think it adds to my nausea when I lay/sit in different positions.

Anyway I hear its snowing out, so its not like I'm missing out much... 

Crappy Monday

Day 2 & 3 of ICE 2nd Cycle :(

Before:
 
I was feeling okay Friday morning up until my mini surgery to get a catheter put in my chest.
After:
Whatever medicine they gave me to knock me out, has been making making me feel very yucky. I have been very nauseous since yesterday then. I am too tired to do anything, I feel weak, and miserable to sum it up.

This video is of me still loopy after the mini catheter surgery & as I was talking to my husband he thought it would be funny to record my silly ramblings. (Hence the title: Crackhead Nina)

The catheter/medicine had made me nauseous soI tried to sleep away this feeling. Friday night I unexpectedly threw up my dinner. I had been nauseous but tolerating it until I sat up in my bed and I couldn't hold back :(

Saturday rolled along and I stayed nauseous all day, I mostly slept the day away, my appetite had been dwindling so I hadn't eaten much all day. Once again at night I threw up a little bit. Yesterday morning I weighed 121. I walked 6 laps for exercise.

Today Sunday morning I weigh 119... sorry but its hard to eat most foods :\ I will push myself more. My resting heart rate is around 120 again. No good news to report. Just send me good thoughts and wishes that this misery of mine is short lived. I just want it to pass fast already.

Day 1 Second Cycle of ICE

What a week! My appointment should have been on Monday but in the advent of 'Hurricane Sandy' aka 'Frankenstorm', it was pushed to today -Thursday. My appointment was for 4pm but my doctor specially requested that I come in to see her first around 1:30. I did not arrive to see her until about 2:30. There was surprisingly NO traffic coming into the city. I unexpectedly had to get a bone marrow biopsy done today, THANKFULLY my doctor is good at what she does & she made it hurt the least possible. It was probably the least painful bone marrow biopsy I've gotten done. As soon as it was done a woman from the Stem Cell team came & spoke to me about the coming procedures I'll have to undergo before I start my transplant.

I finally arrived at my main hospital around 5pm (an hour late) & they took me to my room quite quickly. Here I am sitting quite bored because I keep being asked a million repeat questions about recent symptoms, how I feel, my medical history, etc. It really gets annoying after awhile. My nurse right now is pretty dull, but her shift ends soon & I'm hoping the one I have overnight has some personality. My vitals are good, weight remains the same.

Exercise Update: I'm disappointed in myself for being lazy during 'Sandy', I did a tiny bit of exercise but nothing to be proud of. Today I made sure to lift some weights though: db bicep curls, db military press, situps, lunges, squats for the most part.

Also, since Halloween didn't really get to happen this year I decided to wear my Batman outfit today. I swear I don't look crazy! :)

And Now I'm Bald

Bad hair day Korra.

I have been feeling back to my normal self since Friday morning so I didn't think I needed to update too much this weekend.

I noticed my hairs starting to fall off on Friday, by Saturday morning I was realizing I was excessively shedding. All of Saturday my hair fell off everywhere & was becoming bothersome/itchy/messy. I tied it up for bed to awake on Sunday morning with a head full of knots. It wasn't normal knotting, it was the hairs falling off getting caught in the hair that was not. I tried, my husband tried, & later even my mother tried to untangle the mess but it was almost impossible to maintain because it continued to knot. I decided, it was time. My hair would have fallen off completely by the end of this week if I let it, but I saved my bed sheets & floor the hassle of it sticking everywhere.

Last night my brother buzzed it all off so I'm BALD. We had fun cutting up funny hair styles before it was all shaved off. My dad took pics but I forgot to get them. I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed that we had to shave it all off this time. We tried to get a short "GI Jane" look going but my hair was patchy this time. It took a moment for me to get used to being bald but I don't look too bad I think. From the front its not terrible, but from the back its still kind of patchy since I still have tiny little spikes of hair. Honestly I'm only upset about the fact that now I really look like a sick person. And that bothers me because I'm not really unhealthy or that sick. I feel strong, & I don't like that people will look at me & assume I'm weak. I will wear a wig or head tie until all the stubble falls off but I don't mind walking around bald.

Every morning my dog comes to sleep in the bed with me. This morning when my husband let her into the room she jumped up on the bed & I sat up to greet her (also try to startle her) but she just gave me a funny look. Instead of being scared thinking I was a stranger she recognized me but with hesitation because she approached me & re-sniffed me all around. It was like she had to sniff me up & down to make sure I was who she thought I was. It was cute and then she caught me off guard & started licking my head so I had to pull her off me haha! Also I got weighed today: 120lbs (keeping steady) Heart rate 87bpm & blood pressure good, no fever :)

Sunny Day!

We cut up a baby's outfit.

Its only a quarter to two! Can't this day be done already? I've been feeling the very icky effects of chemotherapy for 24hrs now. Trying to nap helps only a bit. My head is actually sick of laying down. Anywho, I forgot to mention that swallowing has been a problem, my esophagus is still cut up from a hard bagel I ate the other day. It doesn't help that my mouth is dry now, so its not healing. I woke up with more pain in my jaw today (probably my wisdom teeth acting up). I can't open my mouth that much, and my gums hurt so brushing my teeth is an obstacle.

I attempted to keep myself busy by cleaning my room and doing some crafts (my doggies new outfit).

Special delivery!

*Wish I could sleep these next few days away...
--------------------------------------------
Minutes after I wrote this I received a delivery! What a way to cheer someone up right? Thank you for the flowers John & Steffanie! You guys absolutely put a smile on my face today when I was feeling down and out! :D

Neutropenic

Today was a crappy day. I had a checkup in the morning. I thought I felt fine today until this uneasiness settled through my body as I rushed to get to my appointment. This uneasiness I speak of is this overwhelming tiredness that pours through my veins and gives me an almost light headed feeling. We were walking too fast and I could feel my heart jumping out of my chest, my lungs losing a bit more air than I'm used to. When they recorded my heart rate it was about 110bpm, so not too great. My bloodwork also showed that I was becoming neutropenic (I had low WBC count- meaning I can't fight off infections well). My doctor told me I would probably start feeling more tired and I had already begun noticing this morning.

I went out with a friend for lunch and was feeling worse by the hour. When I finally came back home I immediately prepared myself for bed, mind you it was only 3:30 in the afternoon. I napped on and off. The naps didn't help much the first few hours but its 9pm and I'm a little better  now. Today I noticed the less I move, the less crappy I felt. Assuming this is the trend I expect I'll be in bed a lot the next few days. I REALLY don't want to move -_-. My doctor told me I could get fevers again, so I'll be on the lookout for that. Oh joy!

Weekend Update

These are all the medicines they sent
home with me from the hospital.
Two are anti-nausea meds, but
luckily I haven't had a
need for them yet :)

On Saturday: Friends visited as I relaxed in bed feeling a tad bit nauseous & tired. I went to church & ran some errands with the family. My mother visited in the evening, and as soon as she left I hit the bed like a bag of bricks. I did very light arm exercises, but I'll admit it wasn't much of a challenge.

On Sunday: The weather was a bit warmer so I decided to enjoy the fresh air. I double checked my heart rate before embarking on my journey to my parents house. I made sure to take an easy pace and keep hydrated with a bottle of Gatorade. I honestly admit I had second thoughts about doing the walk, but I was comfortable knowing my heart rate was not excessively high. I wouldn't have walked 3 miles otherwise. In the end I was proud I made it. I don't know where my energy comes from.

I must say, it must seem like I am taking to this ICE chemotherapy well, but after a long day I am ready to pass out. I know my body very well, and what it is capable of. I know I seem strong, & sometimes I give that vibe off too easily. I would never advise anyone in a similar situation to follow in my steps. Everyone's gotta do what "THEY THEMSELVES" can do. I tend to push myself, and I admit I over exert myself at times. Today I pushed myself just a bit more than probably advisable. I'm okay though, but BOY am I tired. I can't wait to finish writing this blog just so I can go to sleep! But my point is, as strong/capable/independent as I seem, sometimes I really just want a warm hug with someone telling me everything is going to be alright. I'm vulnerable. I'm strong, but I'm still vulnerable. I know I say "I got this", but sometimes I'm not so sure. Can you make me feel safe? Can you convince me? In the end the unknown still scares me.