Finally Updating

I know I look terrible lol,
but what can you expect?

Its been very rough theses past few days. I'm too tired to even update, but Rick pushes me when I need to go the extra mile. Yesterday my aunt & uncle came to visit, they are so sweet and good to me, going above and beyond to make sure I'm happy. I got 3 balloons (one was Batman), I got soo many roses, can't even count, & my aunt who is a nurse even got me a portable little blood pressure/hr monitor gadget. I was really exhausted all day but I dont like to just lay in bed when I have company over :\

My visiting nurse came in the evening to change the dressing on my catheter, and not long after my mom came over too. It was a full house, very nice, but at the same time overwhelming for me. By the time my mother left I was beyond spent. I try to be strong in the company of others, especially my family but that alone is exhausting enough and I end up breaking down when everyone leaves. My husband says I'm too concerned about everyone else's feelings, he says I need to let myself be sick and cared for right now. I'm afraid to upset everyone and let them see me at my weakest. I'm stubborn, I need to look strong! Keeping that image up has been hard lately. So I guess in this moment of weakness all I ask is just for your affections, love, care, thoughts, a joke, anything genuinely simple enough to make me smile for a second. I need your attention right now :\ it distracts me from nausea, it makes me feel better when now all I can do is lay in bed for days and wait this out.

Crappy Monday

Day 2 & 3 of ICE 2nd Cycle :(

Before:
 
I was feeling okay Friday morning up until my mini surgery to get a catheter put in my chest.
After:
Whatever medicine they gave me to knock me out, has been making making me feel very yucky. I have been very nauseous since yesterday then. I am too tired to do anything, I feel weak, and miserable to sum it up.

This video is of me still loopy after the mini catheter surgery & as I was talking to my husband he thought it would be funny to record my silly ramblings. (Hence the title: Crackhead Nina)

The catheter/medicine had made me nauseous soI tried to sleep away this feeling. Friday night I unexpectedly threw up my dinner. I had been nauseous but tolerating it until I sat up in my bed and I couldn't hold back :(

Saturday rolled along and I stayed nauseous all day, I mostly slept the day away, my appetite had been dwindling so I hadn't eaten much all day. Once again at night I threw up a little bit. Yesterday morning I weighed 121. I walked 6 laps for exercise.

Today Sunday morning I weigh 119... sorry but its hard to eat most foods :\ I will push myself more. My resting heart rate is around 120 again. No good news to report. Just send me good thoughts and wishes that this misery of mine is short lived. I just want it to pass fast already.

Kind of Bedridden But I'm Okay

I spent most of the day lying in bed updating this blog. Html can be so tricky and annoying. If you've seen the move 'Something About Mary' I pretty much walk around like the character Tucker (the guy with the crutches), that's what my husband says. I'm very lucky because he has been helping me all day (breakfast in bed, making my tea(s), carrying me through the hallway lol, luv him.) My ankles are getting better, but not soon enough. I have an appointment tomorrow and unfortunately I need to walk a bit to my hospital from the train station. This week I have not been able to exercise as much as I would have wanted because of my stupid ankles. I'm actually disappointed in myself for not trying harder to exercise. I know I have a valid excuse not to train, but I try to push myself probably when I shouldn't because I'm stubborn & I crave to defy the odds against me. On the bright side I received these cute cancer charms in the mail that I ordered awhile back so I played around making earrings and bracelets with them while watching 'The Office' all day.