A 'BEST NEWS EVER' Kind of Day

I noticed I woke up upbeat. I was humming, singing, being silly. It seems when I can do that -things are looking up. I'm not going to lie. I cried a lot this week. I'm very impatient lately. My other chemos did not leave as long of a discomfort as this last one has. Everyday I woke up hoping to feel better & although I did a little each day, it wasn't sufficient enough for me. I'm still not feeling better, but for the moment I can be appreciative its not worse.

The things that annoyed my life this week:
This catheter on/in my chest (uncomfortable to lay), its more nauseating than anything, the dry mouth/throat/gums (having to eat soft things), constipation, my stomach not being 100%, my husband giving me a shot to the back of my arms everyday, & having this headache-y feeling.
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NOW to the GREAT NEWS: While out and about this morning I received a call from my doctors office & they told me that the Bone Marrow biopsy from last week was CLEAR! No cancer! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I JUST WANT TO SING & DANCE, I FEEL SO GOOD! SO HAPPY! SO HOPEFUL! If this weeks chemo beat my ass down, well this news just boosted me back up ten fold! Its a GREAT day! ^_^

Finally Updating

I know I look terrible lol,
but what can you expect?

Its been very rough theses past few days. I'm too tired to even update, but Rick pushes me when I need to go the extra mile. Yesterday my aunt & uncle came to visit, they are so sweet and good to me, going above and beyond to make sure I'm happy. I got 3 balloons (one was Batman), I got soo many roses, can't even count, & my aunt who is a nurse even got me a portable little blood pressure/hr monitor gadget. I was really exhausted all day but I dont like to just lay in bed when I have company over :\

My visiting nurse came in the evening to change the dressing on my catheter, and not long after my mom came over too. It was a full house, very nice, but at the same time overwhelming for me. By the time my mother left I was beyond spent. I try to be strong in the company of others, especially my family but that alone is exhausting enough and I end up breaking down when everyone leaves. My husband says I'm too concerned about everyone else's feelings, he says I need to let myself be sick and cared for right now. I'm afraid to upset everyone and let them see me at my weakest. I'm stubborn, I need to look strong! Keeping that image up has been hard lately. So I guess in this moment of weakness all I ask is just for your affections, love, care, thoughts, a joke, anything genuinely simple enough to make me smile for a second. I need your attention right now :\ it distracts me from nausea, it makes me feel better when now all I can do is lay in bed for days and wait this out.

Day 2 & 3 of ICE 2nd Cycle :(

Before:
 
I was feeling okay Friday morning up until my mini surgery to get a catheter put in my chest.
After:
Whatever medicine they gave me to knock me out, has been making making me feel very yucky. I have been very nauseous since yesterday then. I am too tired to do anything, I feel weak, and miserable to sum it up.

This video is of me still loopy after the mini catheter surgery & as I was talking to my husband he thought it would be funny to record my silly ramblings. (Hence the title: Crackhead Nina)

The catheter/medicine had made me nauseous soI tried to sleep away this feeling. Friday night I unexpectedly threw up my dinner. I had been nauseous but tolerating it until I sat up in my bed and I couldn't hold back :(

Saturday rolled along and I stayed nauseous all day, I mostly slept the day away, my appetite had been dwindling so I hadn't eaten much all day. Once again at night I threw up a little bit. Yesterday morning I weighed 121. I walked 6 laps for exercise.

Today Sunday morning I weigh 119... sorry but its hard to eat most foods :\ I will push myself more. My resting heart rate is around 120 again. No good news to report. Just send me good thoughts and wishes that this misery of mine is short lived. I just want it to pass fast already.

Back to Exercising

My aunts came in from Puerto Rico yesterday for a short visit. We went out to eat and do a bit of window shopping. I feel good. As we were shopping I saw a box set of weights for a decent price and came home with it. Last night I did some challenging upper body exercises w/ my new weights & since they are big plates they make me look very strong ;) I love it! Its all illusion though, they aren't as heavy as they look. I'm so happy I made the purchase because I miss having muscular arms. I cancelled my gym membership a month ago because I figured I wouldn't be able to workout much or be in a public environment now that my immune system is down.

Today I had to run an important errand so I woke up early and walked over 2 1/2 miles, pretty much 3 if you count the extra walking I did after I got to my destination. Oh! And can you believe it? Some guy actually hit on me today on my walk (remember I'm bald). I was wearing a cap but you can tell I have no hair, so that was a little surprising. Tonight I was invited to try a free Zumba class. Lets see how my body holds up. I feel like my normal self. I feel great. Can't complain. The next few days should be uneventful in relation to my treatment. I return for my next 3 day ICE chemotherapy on Monday.

Day 3 of (ICE) Chemo

He later found my stuffed teddy bear on the
bed and started chewing on him LoL.

Yesterday I attended a workshop on frame painting. It was just me and my husband and they gave us the supplies. I will post a video update of yesterdays happenings & you can see our masterpieces in the video.

Today I weighed in at 123lbs which means I have gained 20lbs since my lowest weight in late august of 103lbs. My appetite is still great, no bad side effects from chemo so far. I was told 14 laps in the hallway equals a mile, so I completed that task. Will walk more later :) I also did some arm band exercises. I relaxed in the recreation room for a little while, checked out the cute library they have (there's a lot of books-its nice). I also got a visit from Oliver, a doggy visitor. I hope to see two more doggies later. I forgot to mention that they have me recording how much I pee (for anyone who's been through chemo before). I have to do it so they know my kidneys are functioning well or something like that.

Exercise: I did 2 miles worth of laps (28 laps) and arm exercises with a good deal of resistance (I'm updating now at 3:22am & already feeling sore).

I'm a Happy Girl

I was alone this morning eating breakfast & I could tell it was a beautiful morning. The sun seemed to shine bright through the kitchen window & I could feel a refreshing breeze. I just sat there & thought to myself that the only thing missing for a perfect moment would be the smell of green, some grass, plants, some kind of nature. Not too much nature around me. As I sat there the thought came to my mind again: I love my life. I love life. And I've only meant it more each passing year as I mature & go through things that sometimes suck but often times make my life better. I'm a big believer in ones ability to guide themselves into the best possible path they see fit. Example: I have cancer. I'm not depressed. I'm happy, I'm really happy. I don't like cancer, but I'm not miserable because of it. I'm better than that.

*Update: Yesterday I had to do a CT scan with my PET scan. I wasn't aware of that. I had to drink like 2 & a half cups of that yucky fake orange-rasberry soda/juice for an hour. I fell asleep during the 25 minute scan. Also I weighed in at 118. I will post pictures later.