Well I Made it To Wrestlemania

Before my chemo began my husband and I had contemplated if I'd be able to go. Recovery time from a SCT is like 3-6months depending on the person. I think that I recovered rather quickly. By 3 months everything looked perfect as it should be according to my scans a few weeks ago. Although my blood work over the past few months slowly progressed, I had been feeling better since right after my last post in February. I didn't feel I needed to post many updates considering I FELT pretty much back to normal. My doctor eventually gave me the okay for Wrestlemania & so last we had a great time. I'm so happy I didn't miss out!

I'm back to the gym since 3 weeks ago, although I haven't been too consistent >_< I do go every week though at least 1-2x. Its been COLD in NYC so I avoid my 1mile walk to the gym on those days. I know its not an excuse. On the bright side though, I have been walking A LOT. I go out almost every day to run little errands for myself/husband/friend/family you name it. I avoid public transportation to the best of my ability. Just last week I walked for HOURS on a very busy errand day and completed the most miles I've ever walked at one time. It was just shy of 9miles I believe.

My mission now is to build this body back up in strength and aesthetically. I'm not as strong & toned as I used to be. I demand bigger muscles & more endurance hehe.

I may not update for awhile & thats good because that means I'm better!
I want to leave saying thanx for all the support guys! It carried me through a rough time in my life & I really appreciated the love.

My February Update

I would say that I felt almost back to normal about a week or two after my last post. Right now I feel great, been feeling this way for sometime now. I practically feel 100% except when I move around too much and realize my endurance isn't what it used to be. I've been building it back slowly with walking and other light exercises here and there. I went through an emotional 2 week rollercoaster having been upset due to some family related issues I was having. I also think I was abnormally emotional, it reminded me of how I get sometimes being a woman and all. My doctor even asked me yesterday if I was experiencing any symptoms and she said sometimes the symptoms occur even if you haven't gotten your period. So I'm not crazy! Anyways I'm fine now but I did tell her I had been having a strange light-headed, almost dizzy, can't concentrate, almost headachy, dehydrated feeling in my brain. I told her I assumed it was dehydration, but its been ongoing for days and I guess I'm still not drinking enough. I might not be getting enough sleep either, but who knows!

Enough hair to hold a clip!

My blood counts went up a tad since 3 weeks ago. Everything is looking good so far but I'm still not in the perfect clear just yet. I believe I get a scan on my next one month visit >_< Also I've been taking this yellow paint like medicine called Atovaquone, its an antibiotic I have to take for 6 months to prevent a certain kind of pneumonia. Aside from the occasional boredom I am doing fairly well and am so happy to feel like the rest of the population. OH and my hair has grown back! Its still in the early fuzz stages, but its definitely there.

Its Like I'm Still In The Hospital

Just have to remind myself :/

Its day 20 after my Stem Cell Transplant. I still feel like blah. Now I understand what they meant when they told me I wouldn't feel like myself for a few months. I hope this feeling is short lived. I can't do anything. Bending down or turning around nauseates me more or gets me dizzy. I'm almost always nauseated to some extent, just more or less at times. I am weak always, tired usually. I feel like a quarter of myself. It sucks. Its very manageable, but waking up everyday like this is just crushing. It starts to get to you. I almost wanted to whine and cry to myself a moment ago. I'm alone at the moment, my husband went to run some errands. I don't want to cry to him or anyone, I just thought crying would feel better than this, it would be a change at least. I'm just so sick of feeling this way and I've only been out of the hospital a week. Being left to my own mind is the worst thing for me, I notice I "seem" to feel better when I have company because talking distracts me. Watching tv/movies (especially happy/uplifting ones) does the same thing.

On a positive note I have to remember: I don't have to worry about my catheter on my chest when I sleep (they took it out), I don't have to cover it b4 I shower every time, no more sticky paper ripping my skin, I'm not throwing up, having fevers, or worst of all chills. No crazy headaches either. I'm back to my own bed, shower, & warm room. Oh yeah and no horrible throat/chest pain and dry mouth/thick spit problems. When my throat/chest was dry and probably full of holes that might have been the worst thing. I had to resort to drinking for nutrition and even that didn't feel very good going down. I had to take oxycodone to stop the pain, it felt like my ensures would not go down, like they would stay in my esophagus and put pressure in my chest. I couldn't sleep unless I took pain a med and ativan. I still take ativan now when the nausea gets real bad. I hear that people in my same situation often have it worse, they are still throwing up now and they have to get even stronger painkillers for the throat pain.

I have a tough exterior.
I'm not always okay...

I am just venting today, not feeling well still. Oh yeah and I guess I gotta remember NO MORE BEEPING or ghost bed. Glad I don't have to hear my machine beep (that was SO effing annoying) and I hated my hospital bed because it moved. It was like an air mattress in which certain parts would inflate at random times to keep your blood flowing/body moving if ur an old lady. All in all I couldn't have asked for a better hospital experience, but who wants to be in a hospital!? Glad I'm home, just... gaaaahdammit can this weakness end already!? ::sigh::

Home & Expectations

It was really hard to update in the hospital. Its BEEN hard to update. That willpower man. Even I couldn't bring myself to the computer many days. My Christmas was uneventful, I was feverish for days until I received steroids. I want to say 'I LOVE THOSE STEROIDS!', having been on prednisone in the past & this time some new steroid that made me feel better... BUT... it had its downfalls. This steroid, I forgot what it was called, made me very anxious, jittery to the point that I could not sleep unless I took Ativan before bed. The Ativan only lasted 3 hrs or so resulting in me tossing & turning in the middle of the night trying to go back to sleep on my own but failing & having to ask for more Ativan. It also made me feel like I was an emotional wreck. I was irritated easily, crying the next second, or freaking out. I only had to stay on it for 3 days. My New Years was also kind of uneventful in that I was overly exhausted and really only spent it with my husband and a little bottle of sparkling apple cider. I forced myself to stay up for the ball drop and then proceeded to sleep shortly after ignoring most calls and txt messages. I'm sorry about that, but through my worst days I ignored a lot of messages because I just wanted to sleep my miserable insides away.

I finally came home and I honestly didn't feel as great as I had hoped. That's what I get for having high hopes. Its just that, I'm still pretty weak. Although honestly I could be much worse, doctors say I was "ahead of the curve". I just don't like feeling so unlike myself. I nap a lot, I feel crappy a lot, and I just wait for this weakness to run its course. I can't do much about it but EAT and HYDRATE myself. I lack energy to walk much, let alone do much exercising right now. My counts are still on the low end, so until my body recuperates I'm going to be a sluggish mess. I'm not allowed to exercise hard but I can't exercise much anyway since there isn't any fuel in this tank right now. I plan to start a light exercise plan in the next week or so. I'm allowing myself to rest up for now...FOR NOW. I can't wait until I start feeling better and I can push my body again. Its going to be disgusting how I'll make my body change this year.

Now I know I said I would workout while I was in the hospital and YOU KNOW WHAT? I did my best. My first week in I exercised everyday practically, walking miles in the hallway and then some. During the middle of my stay (the peak worst) I slept the days away and honestly I can say I don't remember too much of it. The days felt long and torturous at the time, but now I just can't remember where the time went. Towards my last week I began to use my exercise bike more and walk around the room here and there. I wasn't allowed out of my room. I think I did great though. Try getting high dose chemo and doing anything at all! When I came home the first night I broke down and cried before bed because I was overwhelmed with so many emotions. I was free, in the bed I longed for, I still felt horrible, but I was still so grateful, and happy to lay next to my loving superhero husband. He never ONCE failed me, sure he aggravated me when he pushed me to do things on my own, to eat, to move, to drink, but he was my coach, he did everything right, with the right words, attitude, everything. Most of all I was overwhelmed in tears realizing I couldn't remember the worst of it. I think my brain put a protective block in my head because I try to recall the memories of me that second week and all I mostly remember are my visitors and the clock on my wall. I would stare at that thing waiting for the days to end for a new one to start and it felt like forever. 3 weeks later, here I am and why does it seem like it went by so fast now? I don't know. I'm glad the worst is over. I'm learning the tricks of what helps me feel better temporarily at least: food = energy, liquids = hydration, Ativan = when the nausea kicks in & food looks/smells too disgusting to eat. 

I will try to keep the positive attitude up though, just going through a minor rough patch expecting too much too soon. Like my stay in MSK, this too shall pass... quickly... Just need to be patient.

Fevers & Chills

Because he's the hero Nina deserves,
but not the one she needs right now.

The past few days have been filled with very high fevers and trembling chills. I found out yesterday I caught the rhinovirus, the common cold. Its so mild that I don't even notice it. I also started to develop a mild rash over my body. The fevers could be a result of the cold, or just SCT of my bone marrow trying to finally produce white,red, platelet, blood cells of its own. Today I learned my neutrophils were .2 so that is some encouraging news,

Now I'm not gonna go and claim Batman cured me of my fevers. But I just finished watching The Dark Knight Rises (yet again)... and when the nurse took my temperature during the movie everything was back to normal. I feel better too.

Was Too Sick To Post This Past Week

Here is a quick rundown of what I dealt with this past week.
A mix of strong nausea, extreme fatigue, shortness of breath, weakness, & just staying in bed.

Monday: Almost passed out after my shower. Nurses helped me. Head didn't feel right all day.
Tuesday: Head still throbbed. Threw up spit right before my stem cell transplant. SCT, uneventful- some cramps. Slept the day away mostly. Fever.
Wednesday: I got my first blood transfusion today. Santa came by with Carolers. Nausea continues...
Thursday: Husband donated platelets with my brother who donated blood. Throat starts acting up at night (mucosis begins). Pain in my esophagus. All I do is drink my food, can't eat anymore.
Friday: A really boring day, and of course felt terrible. Another fever. Got routine chest x-ray, everything ok.

I love my aunts <3

Saturday: Another boring day, still feeling terrible.
Sunday: A very good morning. My birthday, 2 aunts from Puerto Rico came for the day, my dad, my bro, his g/f, my other aunt, and my husband were here. I received my husbands platelets, throat starts to feel a bit better.
Monday: Received my brothers blood. Feverish all day since last night. Took a long nap, but feeling noticeably better in the evening. Another chest x-ray.

Guests Make Me Happy!

Completion of 3 miles!

My hubby's silly mask

Today I had a really great day, I woke up feeling more nauseous than the day before but I took a medicine that helped me pass the day. My husband walked with me for my daily laps, we did 2. He also drew a motivational reminder sign for my wall that says "Its NOT forever"... because thats how it will feel when I am at my worst. I had many guests today, my aunt & uncle came by with 2 other guests. Later my friend Kunga surprised me with her presence and hung out with me. My mom came late to sleep over. I walked my 3rd mile with her. I can feel myself getting weaker each day, but I'm pushing forward... doing what I can while I still can.

Day -3

Using the computer.

Today felt a little lonely in the morning because I sent my husband home last night, I wanted him to get a good nights sleep. I kept myself busy doing my usual routines of exercise and I drew some motivational words to put up on my walls. I also decided to use a streaming webcam so that anyone can see me through a browser instead of having people download programs like Oovoo or Skype if they don't want to. My husband and my friend came by in the evening and we hung out, it really made me happy :)

If you want to watch what its like to live in a room for 3-4 weeks check out my live NON XXX webcam here: http://tinychat.com/chiquitabanina

Exercise: 3mile walk, 20 squats

Day 2, -4 in SCT Terms

Working with my gloves
and mask.

My little sister originally
bombarded it with decorations,
it was driving me nuts so I had
to take it apart.

Today I felt a bit of the fatigue that comes with chemo, it came and went throughout the day. For some reason walking the halls kept my energy up, surprising right? I know sometimes when your tired its good to exercise to feel energized, you wouldn't think so. Not so sure how that goes with my chemo situation, but so far its working. I kept myself busy setting up my dusty little old Christmas tree (I had to wipe it clean first) and then put up other decorations around the room.

They grew back considerably fast!

I noticed also that my eyebrows were finally noticeably growing back, but they will be bye bye again soon. At least I don't have to draw them in for a little while. Considering that I had some fatigue and nausea from time to time I had a really good workout day:
I walked 3 miles in the hallway, I did 50 squats, 200 crunches, 60 wall pushups and 20 lunges for each leg. That's what Batman would do. No excuses! Oh and my admission weight was 118, my appetite has been a little off. I EAT, but my stomach to brain connection is not normal. So I don't get hungry, I just eat when I know its time to eat. Not enjoying my food as much lately, its not bad, its just not DELICIOUS like normal. Its been like that for a few weeks now. Hopefully it doesn't get too bad, I need to keep the weight on!

The BIG Chemo Admission for SCT Day -5

Ice Skating!

Its 12-12-12! I did not realize this would be my admission date until someone told me yesterday. I hear its a lucky date :D Yesterday I had a check-up explaining my upcoming chemo/transplant. It was an early appointment so I was able to stay in the city and walk to Bryant Park to go ICE SKATING with my husband! We had a lot of fun, and didn't fall. I almost did, but I DIDN'T! On the way there we passed by Rockefeller Center.

Rockefeller Christmas Tree

Today I was admitted around noon and settled into my room. I didn't sleep too well last night so I was very tired all day. I don't feel nervous but maybe I am subconsciously anxious. I organized the room a little and found the energy to do some exercise. The best part of the night was when I tested and used my rooms computer webcam. I spoke to a distant cousin who I hadn't chatted with, let alone SEEN in a long while and we must have talked for almost 3 hours. Day one, success.

Exercise: 200 crunches, 1 mile walk in the hallway, 50 squats, & some resistance band exercises for the upper body.

Stem Cell Collection Attempt #2

Yesterday I was a human pin cushion. In addition to my 2 daily Neupogen shots to the back of my arm I had to receive a new Lupron shot to the side of my butt cheek and a Mozabil shot to the arm to boost stem cell production in my bone marrow.

I had mild nausea from the Mozabil and had a hard time sleeping because I kept waking up. I felt restless all night. Luckily this morning when I came in to collect my stem cells they placed me on a bed this time instead of a couch! WIN. Unfortunately during the 3 hour process I only slept one hour because I was still restless playing on my tablet. It was an unusually warm day so my husband and I went out to eat a sandwich for lunch and relaxed in a nearby park before my next appointment. Around 1:30 I went in for an EKG and PFT (Pulmonary Function Test) where I met the best technician I've thus far worked with. He was really laid back and relaxed unlike others I've had. I hope I have him next time too. I also met a sweet & kind 86 year old woman who sat next to me in the waiting area to share her cancer story and spread her blessings. I'm not gonna lie, her words touched me so much she made me tear up.

I later went in to wait for another Mozabil shot for tomorrows stem cell collection. As we were waiting a nurse called me to let me know the good news. Today I collected over FIVE MILLION stem cells! I don't have to come back tomorrow because they have all the cells they need. I also didn't have to take the Mozabil shot or anymore neupagen shots! ^_^ The nurse told me... I will very likely be admitted for the STC next week... oh boy...

*I started a simple squat plan that I will continue throughout the holidays.

Doctors Appointment

My husband got me an
early birthday gift.
A juicer!!!

Today I had routine blood work done and met up with my new Stem Cell Team. I am now under the care of a different doctor and nurse. I met my new doctor months ago and I really like him because he has a super positive bubbly personality. I love bubbly people. We discussed the upcoming weeks plan of action. I start my second attempt of collecting stem cells on Monday. They each told me to have a long hard talk with my bone marrow this weekend hehe. In order to ensure results they are having me come in on Sunday to receive a shot that will boost my chances of producing stem cells. They told me I would also be receiving a Lupron shot different from my usual monthly injection. It will be a higher dose 3 month slow release kind that may give me more heat flashes.

Savoring My Break

On Monday I had a follow up appointment with my doctor. I received the great news that my PET scan from last week was completely clear! ^_^ My doctor told me that I wouldn't be seeing her until after my stem cell transplant. I am now in the hands of the SCT team. They called me the following day to update me on the next plan of action. Starting next Wednesday I will start taking neupogen shots in the arm again to see if my bone marrow will produce stem cells this time. Its been a very peaceful and restful week for me. Its been great aside from a tiny bothersome headache. My mom visited Monday night and we watched... "The Dark Knight Rises" of course! She had never seen it and loved it. Since then I have been on a Tom Hardy/Christian Bale fix having watched "The Fighter" & "Warrior". Notice the trend in my movies? ;)

Recharging

The 1st "beautiful" fail
behind my arm after a
Neupogen shot.

Well it turns out the "beautiful" fail my husband left me the other day wasn't his fault. The next morning I received another bruise. I suspected it was due to low blood platelet counts, not to mention my gums had been bleeding more than usual the past few days when I would brush my teeth. On Thursday I went in to collect more stem cells, and got a CT/PET scan. The nurses also had me get a platelet transfusion because my numbers were too low. Later in the day we found out that I still hadn't produced any stem cells. I was told not to come back on Friday. Though disappointing, I was much more relieved for it to be over. Its been a hard week on my body, so I needed this break to mentally and physically recharge. On Monday I will find out what is the next plan of action.

This was the 2nd one. Its
easy to bruise with low
platelet counts.

I haven't been updating the past few days because I needed to just rest. Friday & Saturday I was also distracted with visiting guests. My plan today you ask? To vegetate watching Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, & The Dark Knight Rises all over again ;) I will also try to do some heavier workouts today since I'm feeling like my old self again.

When It Rains, It Pours

When I was still hopeful in the day.

The past few days have been disappointing in that I had to travel over an hour to my hospital to get my blood test, be told my white blood cell count was still too low, & then be forced to head back home. Well today took the cake. I was finally ready to get my stem cells collected. First of all I didn't sleep enough last night, and I arrived to my appointment late due to one of the worst cases of train traffic I've experienced. The nurses didnt seem to mind & got me connected to the machine. My fingers and face got tingly at one point, it didn't feel too nice. They gave me tums to help the side effect and they later injected Heparin into my lines too. It took about 4 boring hours. The nurses told me initially that my blood work didn't seem very promising of stem cells so I may have to take a new injection that had to be administered in the hospital at 5pm later in the day if the amount of stem cells they collected was very low which they already anticipated. This new plan was not on my agenda, so unfortunately my husband & I were forced to stay by the hospital after my stem cell collection ended around 1:30pm. As is routine, the nurses told me they would call me later and let me know how many stem cells were able to be collected today. I need to collect 5 million.

My husband and I went for lunch & walked around the city bored for a long while. We thought coming back to the hospital early to get my injection would help us get things done faster but we were told it had to be given at earliest 4:30pm. On top of that I was told my insurance was bringing difficulties since it is an expensive drug so my main nurse was trying to get the ok from higher ups while we waited. As we waited I was dealing with another personal issue that I had going on today regarding paperwork with my father that I found out didn't happen as I had planned. I was losing patience, I was upset, and then the call came about the stem cells. "ZERO" Yup Z-E-R-O. I broke down and started crying right there. I was hysterical. I didn't even think collecting ZERO stem cells after four hours was possible. I thought something was wrong with me. I expected my stem cell count to be low but geeze, not zero. My husband quickly calmed me down and helped me understand things better. He reminded me that the nurses did explain I may have to keep returning for days until I was "stem cell" ready. I guess I just forgot & was confused about what they meant. I was mentally exhausted, spent, & over stressed today. Thankfully, shortly after they gave me my shot and I went home, but it was a LONG ASS day.

On the bright side: I wasn't very nauseous today. I'm feeling better but my new pain is all over body tenderness to the touch due to my daily neupogen shots. Oh and you won't believe what a "beautiful" FAIL my husband did on me today. I will post the "beauty" tomorrow. I need to sleep.

Not Ready

My blood work from Friday was even worse than the blood work from last Wednesday. I noticed I felt my weakest on Saturday, so I assume that is when it sunk to its lowest. Yesterday I started to feel noticeably better. This morning I feel 90% which is GREAT. Unfortunately my blood count is still on the low end but the nurses today told me my counts were headed up. This means that my scheduled Stem Cell Donation (to myself) appointment was cancelled today and I have to come back tomorrow. They said I should be good to go tomorrow. Its amazing how they can predict that. Until then I was told to keep a high calcium diet. This prevents the possibility of light-headedness and nausea that can occur during the Stem Cell Donation process. I've been prepping my body this past week by receiving Neupogen shots (white blood cells) to the  back of my arm. It sucks every time, each morning, when my husband pinches my skin and injects me. Let me tell you, you do NOT get used to needles the more you get them. There is no getting used to that! I have to close my eyes cringing and humming songs to distract myself each time.

Oh my picture from Friday was posted on a radio stations page and it got over 400,000 likes! Thats cray!!! I can't believe so many people all over the country saw --> my big bald head! ^_^

A 'BEST NEWS EVER' Kind of Day

I noticed I woke up upbeat. I was humming, singing, being silly. It seems when I can do that -things are looking up. I'm not going to lie. I cried a lot this week. I'm very impatient lately. My other chemos did not leave as long of a discomfort as this last one has. Everyday I woke up hoping to feel better & although I did a little each day, it wasn't sufficient enough for me. I'm still not feeling better, but for the moment I can be appreciative its not worse.

The things that annoyed my life this week:
This catheter on/in my chest (uncomfortable to lay), its more nauseating than anything, the dry mouth/throat/gums (having to eat soft things), constipation, my stomach not being 100%, my husband giving me a shot to the back of my arms everyday, & having this headache-y feeling.
-----------------------------------------------
NOW to the GREAT NEWS: While out and about this morning I received a call from my doctors office & they told me that the Bone Marrow biopsy from last week was CLEAR! No cancer! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I JUST WANT TO SING & DANCE, I FEEL SO GOOD! SO HAPPY! SO HOPEFUL! If this weeks chemo beat my ass down, well this news just boosted me back up ten fold! Its a GREAT day! ^_^

Wednesday

OMG how could you NOT love
the little ball of FuFu!

I've had a lot of guests visit me the past few days. Its been a nice distraction. Yesterday my brother came by, then a friend (thx for the treats again!), and later my brothers girlfriend. I am starting to feel a tad bit better. I guess what I mean is that my head isn't hurting AS much, as before but it still doesn't feel right. Its a slow progress. Today I had to get blood work done so I went out for a little bit this morning. When we came back home I planned to just lay in bed all day and rest. Thats exactly what I did. I don't like to lie in bed for hours but there's not much else I can do to feel better. Tiny exertion, tires me out. My handy dandy dog slept by my side for most of my nap, and I felt somewhat better later on. I'm still not used to this damn catheter on my chest/neck >:(, its physically not bothersome, but I think it adds to my nausea when I lay/sit in different positions.

Anyway I hear its snowing out, so its not like I'm missing out much... 

Finally Updating

I know I look terrible lol,
but what can you expect?

Its been very rough theses past few days. I'm too tired to even update, but Rick pushes me when I need to go the extra mile. Yesterday my aunt & uncle came to visit, they are so sweet and good to me, going above and beyond to make sure I'm happy. I got 3 balloons (one was Batman), I got soo many roses, can't even count, & my aunt who is a nurse even got me a portable little blood pressure/hr monitor gadget. I was really exhausted all day but I dont like to just lay in bed when I have company over :\

My visiting nurse came in the evening to change the dressing on my catheter, and not long after my mom came over too. It was a full house, very nice, but at the same time overwhelming for me. By the time my mother left I was beyond spent. I try to be strong in the company of others, especially my family but that alone is exhausting enough and I end up breaking down when everyone leaves. My husband says I'm too concerned about everyone else's feelings, he says I need to let myself be sick and cared for right now. I'm afraid to upset everyone and let them see me at my weakest. I'm stubborn, I need to look strong! Keeping that image up has been hard lately. So I guess in this moment of weakness all I ask is just for your affections, love, care, thoughts, a joke, anything genuinely simple enough to make me smile for a second. I need your attention right now :\ it distracts me from nausea, it makes me feel better when now all I can do is lay in bed for days and wait this out.

Crappy Monday