Back to Exercising

My aunts came in from Puerto Rico yesterday for a short visit. We went out to eat and do a bit of window shopping. I feel good. As we were shopping I saw a box set of weights for a decent price and came home with it. Last night I did some challenging upper body exercises w/ my new weights & since they are big plates they make me look very strong ;) I love it! Its all illusion though, they aren't as heavy as they look. I'm so happy I made the purchase because I miss having muscular arms. I cancelled my gym membership a month ago because I figured I wouldn't be able to workout much or be in a public environment now that my immune system is down.

Today I had to run an important errand so I woke up early and walked over 2 1/2 miles, pretty much 3 if you count the extra walking I did after I got to my destination. Oh! And can you believe it? Some guy actually hit on me today on my walk (remember I'm bald). I was wearing a cap but you can tell I have no hair, so that was a little surprising. Tonight I was invited to try a free Zumba class. Lets see how my body holds up. I feel like my normal self. I feel great. Can't complain. The next few days should be uneventful in relation to my treatment. I return for my next 3 day ICE chemotherapy on Monday.

And Now I'm Bald

Bad hair day Korra.

I have been feeling back to my normal self since Friday morning so I didn't think I needed to update too much this weekend.

I noticed my hairs starting to fall off on Friday, by Saturday morning I was realizing I was excessively shedding. All of Saturday my hair fell off everywhere & was becoming bothersome/itchy/messy. I tied it up for bed to awake on Sunday morning with a head full of knots. It wasn't normal knotting, it was the hairs falling off getting caught in the hair that was not. I tried, my husband tried, & later even my mother tried to untangle the mess but it was almost impossible to maintain because it continued to knot. I decided, it was time. My hair would have fallen off completely by the end of this week if I let it, but I saved my bed sheets & floor the hassle of it sticking everywhere.

Last night my brother buzzed it all off so I'm BALD. We had fun cutting up funny hair styles before it was all shaved off. My dad took pics but I forgot to get them. I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed that we had to shave it all off this time. We tried to get a short "GI Jane" look going but my hair was patchy this time. It took a moment for me to get used to being bald but I don't look too bad I think. From the front its not terrible, but from the back its still kind of patchy since I still have tiny little spikes of hair. Honestly I'm only upset about the fact that now I really look like a sick person. And that bothers me because I'm not really unhealthy or that sick. I feel strong, & I don't like that people will look at me & assume I'm weak. I will wear a wig or head tie until all the stubble falls off but I don't mind walking around bald.

Every morning my dog comes to sleep in the bed with me. This morning when my husband let her into the room she jumped up on the bed & I sat up to greet her (also try to startle her) but she just gave me a funny look. Instead of being scared thinking I was a stranger she recognized me but with hesitation because she approached me & re-sniffed me all around. It was like she had to sniff me up & down to make sure I was who she thought I was. It was cute and then she caught me off guard & started licking my head so I had to pull her off me haha! Also I got weighed today: 120lbs (keeping steady) Heart rate 87bpm & blood pressure good, no fever :)

Nauseous Night

It was a pretty rough night. I went out to dinner last night (not very smart of me I know), had a great time considering my insides felt horrible. I couldn't fully enjoy my dinner, I don't think I ate enough, the food did not want to go down. I can't explain why, but by the time I got back home I was feeling the worst of it. Possibly too much exertion walking & maintaining my body temperature (it was COLD out). When I got into bed around 10pm I felt this extreme exhaustion, my head hurt, my heart rate was high, and I didn't feel like I was breathing well. I woke up around 2am nauseous, the most I've felt yet. I thought I might throw up, so I got up & did some breathing exercises, trying to contain myself. I sat down in the kitchen, made myself 2 cups of ginger & honey tea, all the while trying to relax my breathing & heart rate. My resting heart rate was 120, so that was a concern. I went back to bed & continued to wake up almost every hour. Thankfully my heart rate has somewhat normalized, if you can call 104bpm "normal", but my heart tends to beat faster than most people anyway. The nausea subsided & best of all my breathing is better. It was a scary night waking up with a trio of problems multiple times & wondering 'when the hell is this weird feeling going to go away?' or 'will it?'

I'm afraid to walk very far now. Geeze. I guess I'm learning that this new chemo has a very delayed effect on my body & just when you think your getting better -your not. So I'm just going to keep on that nap schedule. As boring as it is, napping seems to be better for my body than walking lately.

I Exercised

My awesome husband
made these for us <3

I feel better today, not a lot better, but in comparison to the last 2 days I can manage to do things instead of lay in bed all day. I took full advantage & exercised: 3 sets of body weight squats, 200 situps (variations), dumbbell curl, overhead, side lateral/front raise & triceps. Whenever I felt winded I took it slow. That's all I'll do today, fatigue is sneaky these days.

Hey if you want a mental image, picture my little dog on my stomach as I did sit ups. She is so needy! Can't let me exercise, has to sit on top of me! I don't mind lately as I've been pretty needy too. I told Rick when people get sick for now on we will buy them a dog. Having a sweet dog cuddle next to you when you feel bad has really helped my spirits. (I'm officially a dog person :-o )

*SERIOUSLY my husband is AMAZING, he GETS me. HE KNOWS ME. I dreamed about him my whole life & he is real!

Sunny Day!

We cut up a baby's outfit.

Its only a quarter to two! Can't this day be done already? I've been feeling the very icky effects of chemotherapy for 24hrs now. Trying to nap helps only a bit. My head is actually sick of laying down. Anywho, I forgot to mention that swallowing has been a problem, my esophagus is still cut up from a hard bagel I ate the other day. It doesn't help that my mouth is dry now, so its not healing. I woke up with more pain in my jaw today (probably my wisdom teeth acting up). I can't open my mouth that much, and my gums hurt so brushing my teeth is an obstacle.

I attempted to keep myself busy by cleaning my room and doing some crafts (my doggies new outfit).

Special delivery!

*Wish I could sleep these next few days away...
--------------------------------------------
Minutes after I wrote this I received a delivery! What a way to cheer someone up right? Thank you for the flowers John & Steffanie! You guys absolutely put a smile on my face today when I was feeling down and out! :D

Neutropenic

Today was a crappy day. I had a checkup in the morning. I thought I felt fine today until this uneasiness settled through my body as I rushed to get to my appointment. This uneasiness I speak of is this overwhelming tiredness that pours through my veins and gives me an almost light headed feeling. We were walking too fast and I could feel my heart jumping out of my chest, my lungs losing a bit more air than I'm used to. When they recorded my heart rate it was about 110bpm, so not too great. My bloodwork also showed that I was becoming neutropenic (I had low WBC count- meaning I can't fight off infections well). My doctor told me I would probably start feeling more tired and I had already begun noticing this morning.

I went out with a friend for lunch and was feeling worse by the hour. When I finally came back home I immediately prepared myself for bed, mind you it was only 3:30 in the afternoon. I napped on and off. The naps didn't help much the first few hours but its 9pm and I'm a little better  now. Today I noticed the less I move, the less crappy I felt. Assuming this is the trend I expect I'll be in bed a lot the next few days. I REALLY don't want to move -_-. My doctor told me I could get fevers again, so I'll be on the lookout for that. Oh joy!

Weekend Update

These are all the medicines they sent
home with me from the hospital.
Two are anti-nausea meds, but
luckily I haven't had a
need for them yet :)

On Saturday: Friends visited as I relaxed in bed feeling a tad bit nauseous & tired. I went to church & ran some errands with the family. My mother visited in the evening, and as soon as she left I hit the bed like a bag of bricks. I did very light arm exercises, but I'll admit it wasn't much of a challenge.

On Sunday: The weather was a bit warmer so I decided to enjoy the fresh air. I double checked my heart rate before embarking on my journey to my parents house. I made sure to take an easy pace and keep hydrated with a bottle of Gatorade. I honestly admit I had second thoughts about doing the walk, but I was comfortable knowing my heart rate was not excessively high. I wouldn't have walked 3 miles otherwise. In the end I was proud I made it. I don't know where my energy comes from.

I must say, it must seem like I am taking to this ICE chemotherapy well, but after a long day I am ready to pass out. I know my body very well, and what it is capable of. I know I seem strong, & sometimes I give that vibe off too easily. I would never advise anyone in a similar situation to follow in my steps. Everyone's gotta do what "THEY THEMSELVES" can do. I tend to push myself, and I admit I over exert myself at times. Today I pushed myself just a bit more than probably advisable. I'm okay though, but BOY am I tired. I can't wait to finish writing this blog just so I can go to sleep! But my point is, as strong/capable/independent as I seem, sometimes I really just want a warm hug with someone telling me everything is going to be alright. I'm vulnerable. I'm strong, but I'm still vulnerable. I know I say "I got this", but sometimes I'm not so sure. Can you make me feel safe? Can you convince me? In the end the unknown still scares me.

Friday, First Full Day Home

Just a day of relaxing in bed for the most part. The pain from my water retention swelling died down. I am a little more nauseous (just a little) & my appetite has faded away. I'm eating but its not going down as easily as before. Took a few short walks outside just to get some fresh air.

My babes gave me a 1 UP,
"Extra Life"
^_^

* Exercise: I felt a little better at night so I did some bicep curls, military presses, front raises, side lateral raises, and calf raises. I only used 5lb dumb bells so don't worry, I'm not overdoing it with those baby weights ;) I'm keeping it light.

Water Retention

Sunrise this morning.

I feel like crud. I think the fatigue is starting to sneak its way in & that doesn't help me this morning. My body feels sore and swollen all over. I know its because of all the saline/liquids they've been putting in me. I weighed in at 126lbs this morning, like I said its mostly water. I'll be down to 120 maybe on Monday. I'm sluggish, my head doesn't feel like its all here today. I really just want to sleep the day away. So I guess it begins... I will try to do some walking, but I am definitely staying away from resistance exercises today. My skin is too tender to the touch because of all the water in my body. I'm being discharged in a few minutes. I can't wait to lay in my familiar bed and REALLY relax.

Update: So when I got home I took a few naps with my dog Korra. She was a good dog today, giving me love and licking me a bit too much lol. Right now I am helping my husband put away the laundry & I managed to walk... about a mile. Maybe it was a little less,  but I think I deserve a cheat day :P

Day 3 of (ICE) Chemo

He later found my stuffed teddy bear on the
bed and started chewing on him LoL.

Yesterday I attended a workshop on frame painting. It was just me and my husband and they gave us the supplies. I will post a video update of yesterdays happenings & you can see our masterpieces in the video.

Today I weighed in at 123lbs which means I have gained 20lbs since my lowest weight in late august of 103lbs. My appetite is still great, no bad side effects from chemo so far. I was told 14 laps in the hallway equals a mile, so I completed that task. Will walk more later :) I also did some arm band exercises. I relaxed in the recreation room for a little while, checked out the cute library they have (there's a lot of books-its nice). I also got a visit from Oliver, a doggy visitor. I hope to see two more doggies later. I forgot to mention that they have me recording how much I pee (for anyone who's been through chemo before). I have to do it so they know my kidneys are functioning well or something like that.

Exercise: I did 2 miles worth of laps (28 laps) and arm exercises with a good deal of resistance (I'm updating now at 3:22am & already feeling sore).

Day 2 of (ICE) Chemo

I took a shower like this
because I am still
getting infused.

My chemo has nothing to do with ice, it is an abbreviation of the 3 medicines I have to take.

I have been up since they woke me for blood at 7:15am, I proceeded to get some motion going by doing ten laps around the hospital hall. At one point I knocked down a big sign because my IV pump machine has wheels that stick out. That was a little embarrassing but the custodian told me he would fix it -lol! Oops! Breakfast came & I had an really good omelette, saved my oatmeal & bagel for later. I had to take a shower with wires connected to me, but they have this plastic meant to cover your chest if you have a port like me. I will post a picture. Sorry if its too showy, my nurse walked right in afterwards so I didn't have time to take a better shot. I slept with the wires connected to my chest (its really not as horrible as one might think).

I received my first medicine last night, today I am getting a mix of that one & a new one at the moment. They gave me anti-nausea medicine just in case with this 2nd drug. I am trying to eat a lot before the bad side effects kick in. Also I weighed in at 121 today, but that's really just water weight. I've peed over 20x since I've been here, yeah... that part is pretty annoying. Now I remember why my hands got so dried & peeled the first time I went through this 2 years ago (washing my hands all the time). So far my body still feels good!

Exercise: In total today I did 18 laps and light arm exercises.

Checking In To The Kettering Hotel

My impression of my dog  Korra
if she found out she had to
stay in the hospital. 

A disappointing morning but my doctor wanted a "perfect" scan, so I was prepared for this. Its still a let down though. I weighed in JUST under 120lbs today, which is great news seeing as how this new chemo called ICE will likely induce nausea and vomitting (lets hope not). I'm not one who throws up easily, so I'm going to make sure my food stays down even when the going gets tough hehe.

I will be here for two nights and likely be able to leave Wednesday ::crossing fingers:: I must say its kinda weird to check-in for a room at a hospital feeling completely fine. I've never done that before. Each time I've stayed in a hospital it was because I was sick. Picture me, just sitting on my hospital bed right now just chillin. Thats what I'm doing, just here sitting, not even hooked up to anything yet.

***Update: They finally gave me my first infusion of this ICE chemo and it is 10:30pm. I checked in at 2pm, thats crazy! Also I managed to get a tiny workout in: 20 Squats, 30 leg circles each leg, 40 alternating lunges, 20+ wall pushups, 2min 15sec wall sit, and 20 alternating standing glute kickbacks. I might have done a few other short exercises but I can't remember exactly.

I'm a Happy Girl

I was alone this morning eating breakfast & I could tell it was a beautiful morning. The sun seemed to shine bright through the kitchen window & I could feel a refreshing breeze. I just sat there & thought to myself that the only thing missing for a perfect moment would be the smell of green, some grass, plants, some kind of nature. Not too much nature around me. As I sat there the thought came to my mind again: I love my life. I love life. And I've only meant it more each passing year as I mature & go through things that sometimes suck but often times make my life better. I'm a big believer in ones ability to guide themselves into the best possible path they see fit. Example: I have cancer. I'm not depressed. I'm happy, I'm really happy. I don't like cancer, but I'm not miserable because of it. I'm better than that.

*Update: Yesterday I had to do a CT scan with my PET scan. I wasn't aware of that. I had to drink like 2 & a half cups of that yucky fake orange-rasberry soda/juice for an hour. I fell asleep during the 25 minute scan. Also I weighed in at 118. I will post pictures later.

PET Scan

I'm about to eat a big breakfast right now because it will be my only meal until after 5pm probably. I cannot eat 6 hours prior to my scan today so I will load up on some filling proteins & carbs like toast with eggs, plus some bad food too like Nutella maybe ;) I can't exercise either, you can't exercise 24hrs prior.
This scan is very expensive, my insurance hates to grant me permissions for it. My doctors have to usually request with a special note. Its awesome though, the images that it produces with x-ray, infrared lighting, and all that mumbo-jumbo. I have to get this radio active injection a half hour before I get scanned. I think of spider man every time I hear radio active and like to think that on PET scan days like this I'm extra cool because I'm radio active haha.

Wish me luck, & keep me in your thoughts today because Monday will be results day. Time is ticking!...>_<

Kind of Bedridden But I'm Okay

I spent most of the day lying in bed updating this blog. Html can be so tricky and annoying. If you've seen the move 'Something About Mary' I pretty much walk around like the character Tucker (the guy with the crutches), that's what my husband says. I'm very lucky because he has been helping me all day (breakfast in bed, making my tea(s), carrying me through the hallway lol, luv him.) My ankles are getting better, but not soon enough. I have an appointment tomorrow and unfortunately I need to walk a bit to my hospital from the train station. This week I have not been able to exercise as much as I would have wanted because of my stupid ankles. I'm actually disappointed in myself for not trying harder to exercise. I know I have a valid excuse not to train, but I try to push myself probably when I shouldn't because I'm stubborn & I crave to defy the odds against me. On the bright side I received these cute cancer charms in the mail that I ordered awhile back so I played around making earrings and bracelets with them while watching 'The Office' all day.

Light the Night

So its Wednesday and we walked the Light the Night for the Lymphoma & Leukemia Society that my husbands best friend organized. I had a great time, everyone held lit up balloons & some people even released their golden "In Memory" balloons into the sky, it looked so pretty, magical even. It was beautiful. I honestly had an amazing time, it was a night to remember & meant a lot to me now going through this ordeal. I want to say that today was 'overall' great, it just got crummy at night.

Earlier in the day, I ran my usual errands with my husband & he drove me to the gym because I have been having an issue with my ankles (due to the tapering down of my medicine). Usually I walk to the gym, but I didn't want to risk my ankles any further in preparation for the festivities at night. I had a great workout, my ankle even felt better. I then walked home & my ankle was okay. We went to Light the Night & the ankle did not bother me much until later in the night when it was close to going home. By the time I arrived home I was limping pretty bad but could walk, only slowly. I relaxed in bed, both legs elevated (because my right leg had started to feel bad too). As I prepared to go to bed I decided to go to the bathroom before bed because I knew it would be hard to walk in the middle of the night. OH my Lordy! My ankles were terrible, much worse than I thought, I could not even stand on them. I tried for a few minutes to get the right footing but it hurt so much. I had to get help from my husband who literally lifted me to the toilet & as he did I started to cry because it scared me to think that this could be my future.

I never want to get to that point. I loathe R.A., what it does to my body AND mind. The word inFLAMED best describes the horrible swelling that ruins my joints. Ugh how I hate it. That bathroom experience was one of the worst I've ever had. My ankles have only ever been that bad maybe 3-4x in my past. I guess tonight was one of those unfortunate nights My plans to go to the museum with my aunt & uncle tomorrow are not going to happen. No gym either. At least I can re-watch episodes of The Office all day. Watching super hero movies & comedies tends to cheer me up in moments like these.

Preparing

I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma Cancer... again. I am one week away from possibly coming home with pain in my lower back from a bone marrow biopy & being happy that my cancer is gone for the most part. In that scenario I just wait for my stem cell treatment. In a less favorable scenario, my PET scan will show that I still have cancer or my biopsy will show that I have cancer & I will be spending the next three nights in my hospital starting a harsher chemotherapy treatment called ICE. I have undergone easier chemo treatments recently and in the past but I've been told this ICE won't be a piece of cake. I just completed 6 mini chemo sessions & for this reason I still have my hair, & have been able to deliberately gain extra weight. No side effects. I'm a monster. In a good way. Yeah that's me saying I'm strong.

My doctors told me that I should taper back my prednisone (this medicine allows my joints to feel good). Oh yeah I have Rheumatoid Arthritis if you didn't already know that. I started tapering down from 10mgs to7 recently but maybe I rushed it because in the past two days I have been feeling pretty crummy. I'm not gonna taper down anymore, on Friday I explained this to my doctor & she agreed I could keep the prednisone until I undergo chemo. My left ankle is swollen enough that I limp & cannot walk much today. I cannot go to the gym limping which is why I am here laying in bed with my leg elevated.

Its later in the day now & despite my swollen ankle I did a fairly light workout. My ankle felt a little better but I mostly worked on upper body. Push ups, curls, military dumb bell press, side lateral, leg lifts, hip abductions, glute kickbacks, & some wall sits. Ended the night with a high protein meal and lots of water. Its getting late now so I am going to work on my exercise plan for the WWBD project.