The Start of It All

Whooptie doo. I started feeling a bit sick/feverish on the evening of June 26 (my husbands birthday). The sickness went away soon after. I had noticed excessive sweating in my sleep a few times around then but thought nothing of it. At one point I did remember back about how I sweated in sleep so much during my first bout of cancer. I guess there was a night that I sweated a lil more than I had been, plus when your sick I feel you smell differently, you smell "sick". At least thats what I think, and I would notice my scent had changed. It wasn't normal sweat, it smelled different, worse. A few weeks later I started getting headaches, they were not normal headaches I knew right away. 

I admitted myself to my hospital ER and all tests seemed fine. CT, EKG, blood work, etc... The doctor there told me I may have a viral infection and to rule out Meningitis thru a lumbar puncture (spinal tap). I opted out.  I emailed my doctors (Rheumatologist & Oncologist) about my recent symptoms, saw them both and the only thing that seemed off in my blood work was something called "bands", which my Rheumatologist was quick to point out was not in her field, but rather something the oncologist would better understand. My oncologist scheduled a routine PET scan and not soon after (about 3 days later) I found out through a rough call from ANOTHER hospital (more specifically a CANCER) hospital, that something was wrong. I knew from the moment they told me the call was from Memorial Sloan Kettering that I must have cancer again :( My oncologist did not want me to find out that way, but they had called me at work soon after he had spoken to them about my case. They definitely get on top of things and so far I have enjoyed my experience with this new and BETTER hospital.

On my first consultation meeting my new doctor I got 2 bone marrow biopsies right there in the doctors office. Unexpected. We got that out of the way, the faster we moved, the sooner things got done. A week later I was scheduled for a CT scan, pulmonary function test, EKG, more blood work, and I think an echocardiogram. All the while I had fevers that were getting worse, an appetite that was barely there, and headaches that put my mood into misery all day long. I was tired, I was weak, I was scared. To make matters worse I dealt with my stupid health insurance making getting tests done at times difficult. I recieved Neupogen shots to the back of my arm to boost up my white blood cells? At one point my fever went to 104 and I admitted myself to the hospital for overnight stay. It was a good move in that they boosted me up with liquids and medicines that made me feel a bit better after that. I also recieved a transfusion of platelets and these things in the end gave me enough strength to finally get my first dose of mini-chemo a week later. I was disappointed it wasn't sooner (the waiting game was killing me) but my insurance hadn't given authorization yet -_-.After I finally got my first dose I felt immediately better the next day and have been getting better since! ^_^ 

I am currently trying to gain back the weight I lost, I lost almost 10lbs. I am almost back to my normal weight and I plan to gain another ten. My appetite has returned with a fire, I eat too much now.As much as I have been through dealing with RA, Lupus, & HL over the course of the past 8 years I still feel I am highly blessed and would go through it all over again ten fold so long as the people I love didn't have to. To know that my loved ones are healthy and safe, and only I am "suffering" keeps me stronger. I know I'm strong. I know I'm always capable. I am a blind fighter, I tug, pull, push, hit, lose my breath even when I'm down but keep going. Sure I complain and feel pain when things happen, but I cry for the moment, and I cry for the hearts of the pple that love me seeing me sick. I don't want to cry for their pain and suffering, it would hurt me more that I can't control it. I control me, and I know me, I know I'm special (see my blind confidence), I call it stubborn, I always go against the odds. Jeannina just equals = unconventional/weird/odd & as rare as the Albino Axelotl lol (go look it up - I swear that's me) and YES I AM. I may hide behind a fascade of a plain and simple common girl, but I AM NOT. Need proof? Watch me triumph AGAIN. So just know... I got this...